The Psychology of Parenting Seriez

Staying Consistent in the face of Change

Well, it's that time again.  The weather is gorgeous, your flowers are in bloom. Yep, it must be Spring, a time when you feel the call for spontaneity, a sense of restlessness, a way to break out of the confines of your structured routine.  As a parent, it becomes even more challenging to stick with what works for your children, and maintain the consistency that is essential for your family.

Here is a list of  principles to follow that will provide you with a solid foundation for your kids.  This will allow you the freedom to be more flexible in other areas of your life.

BedTime should stay the same.    I know you might be tempted with the latest daylight savings time change to keep your children up later.  However, since their morning school start time does not change (although I wish it would!), it is important to be consistent with their bedtime.  “But it is still light outside” is a common complaint, and I have seen some creative solutions:  From putting up window shades to moving furniture, you can involve your children in coming up with a solution that might work for them.  A nice eye pillow might be just the trick for your little girl!  The National Sleep Foundation reports that your school age child needs 11-12 hours of sleep per night to maintain mental and physical well-being.  By resisting the urge to keep your children awake this season, you are ensuring their success both at home and during school. 

Stick with the Routine While on Vacation.  This is also a time of year when we tend to take more vacations, even if it is just a weekend getaway to the Hill Country or Sea World.  Keep your child’s energy level in mind and remember to take frequent breaks and allow them some quiet time.  Predict that they will get hungry during their normal lunchtime, despite the fact that you are waiting for Shamu to show up (any minute now!)  and pack them a snack.  If you notice your child is becoming cranky or irritable, be prepared to leave a crowded area and find a shady spot where just the two of you can regroup, and touch base.

Follow Through with your Consequences.   Even though you might be having relatives visiting this week, or you may be socializing more with friends, remember that the rules still apply.  You want to teach your children that they can rely on the rules for behavior and that they will not be ignored just because mom and dad are having a good time and not paying attention.  Imagine the implications of this when they become teenagers!  Following through now will ensure they respect the rules in the future. 

Remember that if you are inconsistent in your parenting, children will begin to feel insecure, unsure of themselves and confused.   Being consistent with your child tells them how important they are to you.  They can be confident of what your family values and will be able to navigate and negotiate effectively within these safe boundaries that you have set for them.  With this in place, you will then create an environment to have fun and relax with your family, no matter where you are! 
 

Kavita Murthy, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Austin.

To learn more you can visit www.kavitaphd.com.

Click here to read more of Dr. Murthy's insightful articles.