The Psychology of Parenting Seriez

Taking Care of You, So You Can Take Care of Them

Field Trips, Water Days, track & field events, can you feel the heat of the last month of school?   Is your after-school program asking for last minute volunteers or donations to help with a recital or performance?   Are you ready for the challenges that this summer will bring you?

Every summer, I ask myself, why do I feel so run down when I should be relaxing and enjoying this time with the kids? As I juggle my work schedule and attempt to find interesting camps that my children will appreciate, despite the high cost, I find myself more and more exhausted.  Why am I not doing these fun things myself?  Joining a swimming club, learning how to do a handstand, or trying out new acrylics as I paint my summer away?  Because, as parents, we are always sacrificing for our children, giving them a summer they will never forget.  Meanwhile, our own personal-growth “well” is running dry and in turn, we have less and less to draw upon.  If we do not do what it takes to feed our own soul, then we can become resentful, lose our patience, and become less and less engaged with our family.  Children sense our feelings of stress and dread, fear or even sadness, and then act out what we are trying so hard to hide.  This summer, why not get a head start on filling our own cups, so that we can have enough in reserve to give back to them?

First, assess what your stressors are.  Unexpected home repairs?  Can’t pay your bills? Conflict with loved ones? Are you afraid of being alone?  Do Guilt/Shame rule your life? Do you harbor resentments from the past?  Sometimes we are not even aware of what is causing the gridlock inside our heart.  Identifying the sources of our pain can be a very valuable first step.  Next, how are you coping with these stressors in your life?  If you are like most of us, the answer might be “not very well.  Eating too much or too little, inability to sleep, little patience or tolerance towards the kids, panic attacks, crying jags, resorting to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain?  If any of these symptoms sound familiar, know that you are not alone.
 
Finally, ask for help.  Most of you might feel trapped and stuck in your patterns of living right now, and not realize that there are things you can do to relieve your burden and change your outlook.  A few counseling sessions with a professional can do wonders to help motivate and inspire you to make the changes that already exist within yourself. Techniques such as hypnosis can target specific habits (like smoking, anxiety, eating addictions, etc) and help you overcome barriers that have been lifelong struggles.  The Austin community is lucky to have so many qualified mental health professionals that can help you face your fears and change your quality of life.

• http://www.tsbep.state.tx.us/documents/2009_Roster.pdf,
• http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/counselor/lpc_rosters.shtm.     
  

If you are looking for a group that will inspire and support your commitment to change, try these links: 

• http://www.mhatexas.org/mhatexasMAIN/IRGuide4.03.pdf,
• http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/tx/austin/. 

Finally, http://www.ilivehereigivehere.com/ also provides you with a local list of community events and opportunities for volunteering that might nurture your soul, while other websites http://austinfit.com/ can provide you with the motivation to move that body and get back in shape!  These are just a few places to start.  By addressing these issues now, and taking responsibility for filling your own cup, you can guarantee a more real and loving connection with your family this summer.  It’s a hard lesson to remember, but taking care of your self is not a selfish act.  In fact, it’s one of the most loving things you can do. 

Kavita Murthy, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Austin.

To learn more you can visit www.kavitaphd.com.

Click here to read more of Dr. Murthy's insightful articles.