The Psychology of Parenting Seriez

How Much is Too Much?  Extra-Curricular Activities for your Child.

Well, by now I am sure everyone is settling into a brand new school year.  Change can be a scary thing for youngsters, but I am hopeful your child is transitioning (or coping as it were) well to their new teacher, peer group or school schedule.  And speaking of schedules, I know many of you are thinking about signing your youngster up for some extra curricular fun.  Here are some things I hear parents pondering on a daily basis:  Are they getting enough recess time to burn off energy?  Is the music program up to par?  Do the academics rate?  What extra additional activities do our children need to enhance their learning experience?  And how early should we begin?  While it is important to have well-rounded children and provide them with opportunities to excel, there are a few things I would like you to consider as you make choices for your young one this year:

1. Know your Child:  Did you always wanted to take piano but your parents couldn’t afford the lessons?  Were you never allowed to participate in sports? .  There are many times when we catch ourselves trying to fulfill our own dreams rather than listening to the dreams of our children.  Finding the right fit for your own child’s personality, energy level and interest can be a challenge.  If your child comes home from school completely exhausted, it may not be the right time to begin enrolling him in soccer club just because the boys down the street are all doing it.  Keeping in mind.
   
   
   
2. Know Yourself:  Are you running yourself ragged in the car for hours?  Do you find yourself more or less irritable with these extra commitments?  Some parents feel like they get a nice “break” from their kids while they drop them off at soccer practice, while others are more overwhelmed with the extra responsibilities that guitar lessons require.  Give yourself a break and try to do what fits with your own personality style.  Remember, if the parent is happy, then the kids will be happy!
   
   
   
3. Be Consistent yet Flexible:  It is half way through the dance class and your daughter begins to complain about going.  Your instant reaction is “I paid for these lessons and I am not going to waste my money!”  While that may be true, it may be more prudent to take the time to understand why your child is not enthusiastic.  Perhaps it is the wrong time of day or too many days.  Sometimes a change in schedule might be all he or she needs to make this a good fit.  While it is important to teach our children to follow through on their commitments, it is equally as important not to force your child to suffer through a season of activity that just does not match their own skill set or interest.   It really is okay if they express a genuine desire to just not continue.   Again, you must trust your instincts and use good judgment. 
   
   
   
4. Remember Less is More:  While it seems that nowadays all children have some planned event almost every day, There is new research that now suggests that our children are not having enough “down time” or opportunities to use their imagination and develop creative and critical thinking skills. It is important to remember that boredom is a necessary precursor to inspiration.  One rule of thumb that I see many parents following is to enroll their child in only one sport and one musical instrument at any given time.  This gives the child good balance and a way to engage without feeling too overloaded.   Ask yourself what it is you remember most about your childhood and chances are it will involve the times you were staring at the ceiling just daydreaming in the privacy of your bedroom, or reading a book in the living room as you were surrounded by your family and siblings.  These are the precious moments that shape who we are, and how we ultimately value the life we lead.

So, as you navigate through the fast pace life of today, remember that it doesn’t have to be so overwhelming. You can choose how you want to live life.  Take it easy on yourself and I am convinced your children will thrive!

Kavita Murthy, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Austin.

To learn more you can visit www.kavitaphd.com.

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